The Loneliness of Parenting: Coping When Children Leave Home
It is undeniable that parents will feel lonely when their children leave home. This change is a significant phase in every parent's life, and adjusting to this new reality can be challenging. For instance, when my children moved away to college, I found myself crying and missing them constantly. While I was lucky to have my younger daughter still with me, the sudden absence of two of my children indeed left an empty space that was difficult to fill.
Adjusting to the Absence
After sending my first child away to college, I struggled to adjust. Visiting their college and leaving them there made me feel a deep sense of sadness. I would call them frequently, send letters, and even learned to write every day following instructions on a piece of paper from my son. However, long before today, platforms like WhatsApp were not yet popular. This technological gap often left me feeling isolated and misunderstood.
Life in a Quieter House
The house became a quiet and very different place without the hustle and bustle of my children’s daily activities. They would come on vacation, but their short sojourns would only make me feel more lonely. I found myself counting the days until their return and cooking in advance to prepare for their visits. I would go to the airport early in the morning to pick them up, often leaving the house before dawn, shockingly early for most people. This routine would sometimes lead to interactions with the police, but I wanted to show my children that I was still present and active.
Adapting to the Future
As the years passed, my younger daughter also left for her studies, and my grandmother (my mom) faced her own set of challenges. During this difficult phase, she would constantly follow the actions of her grandchildren, imitating their behavior. At first, it was a matter of loneliness, but over time, she adapted and found new ways to engage with her children and grandchildren.
Adaptation is a key factor in managing this phase in life. However, it is not an easy process. When my sister left for college, my mom initially found it difficult to cope. Yet, with time, she adapted, and now life is back to normal. It is a bittersweet process, especially for parents who are used to having children around. Missing your children is an inevitable part of life, but it is essential to find new ways to engage and find joy in other aspects of life.
Conclusion and Advice
Parents who have outgrown the daily presence of their children and are adjusting to life in an empty nest face a lonely phase. Although it is a challenging time, it is crucial to focus on finding happiness in new endeavors and relationships. Gradually, the transition becomes smoother as parents learn to adapt and find new ways to fill the void left by their children. It is a testament to the resilience and adaptability of parents that they can navigate this phase and find new joys in their lives.
Stay connected, find purpose, and embrace new challenges. It is a unique moment in life, but it can also be a time of self-discovery and growth.